Leaving the jungles of Guam for the rolling hills of Kentucky

It's been a good minute.

this blog is about a girl named Sirena who is from Guam, who lives on Guam, and who is exhibiting her life on Guam. 

That's not the case anymore. 

I no longer live on Guam. 

I have finally left that tiny little island. 

I'm sorry to all my friends who I left, but I had to leave. 

God was calling me here, I know. 

____

What I've learned about packing up and leaving. 

I've been learning to let go. 

It was hard. I cried on Guam when I was getting ready to leave and I'm still crying here in Kentucky. 

There was so much I left on Guam. Friendships. Family. Baggage. Jobs. People I wish I could've cultivated more of a relationship with. Letting go of Infusion. Gosh. I spent a lot of money on that place. 

My job at Tommy Hilfiger was good.
Everything was just good. It wasn't great. I wasn't the best version of myself.
And now, I truly feel that this is an opportunity for me to be the best version of myself.
_____

When I got here to Kentucky, one of the first things I did was go to a 10 AM Mass.
During the priest's sermon, he informed us that he would be leaving the next day to like Arkansas or something to go on a 40 Day Retreat.
I was sad he was going to go away for that long because he seemed like a pretty cool priest.
It wasn't until at the end of the day that I realized what this time in Kentucky would be for me.
A spiritual retreat. I realized that this time is not my own. It belongs entirely to God to change me for the better, and to change me for good if I'm willing.

_____

It's a struggle, as one would expect. I feel spiritually dirty most of the time. But I feel more grace now than when I was in Guam. There is definitely more clarity because I'm here. 

_____

At the end of the day, I am grateful, so so grateful to God for bringing me. He pulled through, as He always does. I asked for a way out of my darkness. I was sinking in the raging waters, and I called out "Lord, save me." and He did.

Here is a vlog I made on more thoughts of me leaving my home:

#JungleWomanAdventures: Forbidden Island, Saipan

Saipan. Oh, Saipan. 

You have my heart. I love my island of Guam, but Saipan, 

I will always nurture my relationship with you. 

I am coming back for you. 

Here are photos from my trip to the beautiful island which is only a 30 min flight from Guam.

Had a pinacolada type of drink at the Surf Club near Aquarius hotel, Saipan <3 

 My lovely hike guide, Nicole! <3 

 Forbidden Island :) 

Life, Love Lessons: A Granddaughter's Regrets

My grandma's death anniversary is this week.
I would like to thank everyone who reached out to me last year when she died,
and everyone who prayed for her during her fight against leukemia.
She struggled for a long time. She suffered for such a long time.
And to be honest, I don't think I was the granddaughter I should have been.
Although I contstantly reached out to you guys for prayers,
i don't think I was truly aware of her pain and suffering.
I wish I was, and I wish I was there for her the entire time.

-
I would just like to share what was going through my heart and mind last year when she passed away that day.
I was at the Naval Hospital with my family.
Grandma Esther was in the hospital bed, twisting and turning.
I ran outside to find any nurse or doctor who could help her.
One of her tube thingies was disconnected or something.
I could hardly make out the words to simply ask them to reconnect it to her.
I was already beginning to cry.
For some reason, I felt in my heart that these were her last hours on earth.
When the nurse left, I began to speak to grandma, but she snapped back to me to be quiet because her head was hurting and she just wanted to sleep. I'm tearing and giggling thinking about this because she was always so blunt.
I had to go to work at this time.
So, as I was getting ready to leave I told her, "I'm going to work. I'll be right back, okay?? I LOVE YOU."
I don't know why but I wanted to emphasize that I'll be back... as if I was telling her to not let go while I was gone.
The moment I arrived to work my mom called and said, "You need to come back to the hospital."
I shuddered and responded, "Why?"
"Grandma passed away."
Everything around me disappeared. My coworker told me to go.
I wanted to run but could hardly move.
I was sobbing in the hallway of my work.
People were freaking out.
The drive to the hospital was a complete blurr.
When I arrived to the hospital, I walked into the unit she was in, went to her room, and as I opened the door, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
I've never experienced death in that way.
To have been talking to the person you love so dearly one minute, and the next they're gone.
 I still remember that moment of complete disbelief, as I stared at her...
I don't mean to make anyone feel sad or bad about this whole situation as you're scrolling through facebook trying to find a funny meme to brighten up your day.
I'm sharing this because I honestly need release.
I don't think I'm fully healed from this, and I don't think I'll ever be.
I honestly wish I could go back and be with her and hug her. Do all the things for her. Spend the time with her that I should have spent. I wish I could have told her I loved her more often. I wish I could have taken more time to talk to her. These are the things that her death has taught me.
Life is so short, and you shouldn't be afraid to love and to love in the best way you can, even if that love isn't returned.
Put away your selfish desires.
Put away your ego.
Put away your pride.
Put away your fear.

I truly wish you all could learn this before losing that person.

Requiescat in Pace, Esther Eclavea.

Eating Plant-Based: A Grocery List

The Grocery List 

Having a grocery list definitely makes things a whole lot easier. 

Believe it or not, 

I literally had to hire a personal trainer to put together a vegan macro diet for me to get my butt moving with dialing in my plant-based nutrition. 
He gave me ingredients for my meals, 
and from that I made a grocery list. 

Here is an example of my current list of groceries:

F r u i t s

1. Bananas
2. Blueberries
3. Strawberries
4. Oranges
5. Apples 
6. Mangoes 
7. Avocado
8. Tomatoes
9. Blackberries
10. Raspberries

V e g g i e s 

1. Lettuce
2. Spinach
3. Broccoli
4. Peas
5. Cauliflower
6. Cucumber
7. Cabbage 
8. Potatoes (Sweet & White) 

G r a i n s 

1. Rice
2. Quinoa
3. Oats 

B e a n s

1. Tempeh
2. Tofu
3. Garbanzo, black, kidney, white etc. 
4. Green beans 

N u t s  &  S e e d s

1. Almonds
2. Cashews
3. Peanuts

P r o c e s s e d 

1. Peanut butter
2. Bread (Dave's Killer Bread or Ezekiel bread)
3. Soy / Almond / Rice Milk ice cream
4. Tofurky sausage
5. Gardein vegan products

HUGE HIGH PROTEIN Plant based meal tonight ! Garbanzo-Black Bean recipe: 1/2 can of each bean. 1/2 tsp of olive oil 1 Tbsp Breadcrumbs Blend together. Separate into little patties or fry however u want at medium heat Flip when brown. Eat with salad and whatever else u want. Or with hamburger buns. #plantbasedfoods #plantbaseddiet #plantpower #veganrecipes #vegangains #gains #veganweightlifting #recipes #healthy #fitness #guamrecipes #guam

A post shared by SM ❤️🌸🌴🇬🇺 (@sirenaofguam) on Feb 3, 2017 at 2:55am PST

Eating Plant-based

Are you looking into eat more fruits and vegetables?

Are you allergic to dairy?

Or are sensitive to meat products?

Fear not!

I've decided to use this blog here to share with you how I'm able to maintain a plant-based diet on Guam! 

"Mafnas" means to "fade away" like a 🌅

A post shared by SM ❤️🌸🌴🇬🇺 (@sirenaofguam) on Mar 4, 2017 at 10:15pm PST

From restaurants, to cafes, to grocery stores.

We're going to try to cover as many places as we can so you

don't having a panic attack trying to feed yourself.

No one should have to suffer through such pain.

B R E A K F A S T (Meal 1) ✨ Oats, Berries, couscous, tempeh bacon, spinach. .#veganrecipes #veganmeals #plantbasedathlete #macros #kindof #weightlifter #breakfastforchampions #xssn #chamorriweightlifter #chamorri #crossfit #molinosweightlifter #fitness #health #guam #recipes #vegetarian #plantpower #healthy

A post shared by SM ❤️🌸🌴🇬🇺 (@sirenaofguam) on Feb 5, 2017 at 2:41pm PST

The next series of posts will help you do that! 

<3 

Sirenaofguam